I'll Never Tell You
by HarryPottergrl19
Summary: All of the talking is part of book four when Chin Yisou is there. This is right after Hakkai heals Gojyo. SanzoHakkai. My idea of what happens next.


**I'll Never Tell You**

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki or the characters mentioned in this fic. Reviews are welcome.

Summary: This is part of book four when Chin Yisou is there. This is right after Hakkai heals Gojyo. Sanzo/Hakkai.

"This is all my fault," you say. I turned and looked at you from behind. You knelt there next to the water sprite; your head bowed down. Your beautiful green eyes hidden by your hair.

I'd never tell you what I thought of you. I'd never tell you that I wanted to hold you. I'd never tell you how I've come to feel about you.

"Chin Yisou is clearly after me," you continue as you stand. I feel the urge to show my emotions, but I won't. Not now. Not ever.

"Don't start, Hakkai." I keep my harsh, cold, and angry façade in place, not showing you the care you need. The care I want to share and receive back from you.

"But Sanzo!" You start, raising your voice slightly at me.

"Just calm down! Losing your senses is exactly what he wants." I grab a hold of your shirt roughly. Your eyes widen, your face pales. I release my grip on your shirt, just in time.

You faint, collapsing backwards on to my arm.

"Hakkai? Hey!" I'm worried now. I've noticed how you've been having trouble sleeping, and using your chi to heal Gojyo might have exhausted your energy. I turned to Goku, holding you close to my chest.

"Water, Goku. Now."

"Got it!" he runs off; leaving you, me, and Gojyo. I hold you close a little longer. Dipping my head to your hair, smelling a scent that is uniquely you. I lay you down, gently, on the ground by a tree. My hand traces your face, runs through your hair, traces your lips. I'll give in to one urge.

I place my lips on yours, ever so softly. An electric shock shoots through my body. I sit up in surprise, and sigh. I stand and walk to where Gojyo lay, picking him up and dragging him to where you lay. I lay him down, not as gently as you, and move back to your side. I place my hand on the side of your face, and stroke your cheek with my thumb.

Suddenly you move your head, leaning it in and up in to my hand. My thumb now resting on the edge of your lips. You moan slightly, the beginning of a smile on your lips, and say a name I didn't expect to hear.

My own.

I pull my hand back sharply, surprised. Your smile disappears and begin to enter a dream. Well, a nightmare might be more correct. You start to tremble and mumble in your sleep. I'm pretty sure I know what you're remembering, the night she died. I sigh again, and leaned against the tree trunk.

I sit like that for a while, before I hear you get silent. I have no idea how long we stayed like that, a few minutes perhaps? You got silent, and I sat up. That's all I know. Looking at you, I see a smile on your face once more. The urge to kiss those smiling lips win, and I lean over you once more.

"Hakkai, forgive me for taking advantage of you like this. I have tried to forget about you. I can't. This will be….the last time I show my emotions for you. The last time I will be gentle….I know its against Buddhism, and you know I could care less about obeying the rules of such a religion, but I have…come to love being around you. I have come to love you." With that I place a kiss on your smiling lips. It's a soft kiss, feathery light, but my heart knows that this is the end, and breaks. I place more urgency into the one sided kiss and trace your lower lip with my tongue. My whole body tingles and my mind fills with thoughts and images of you waking up and fulfilling my fantasy. I break the one-sided kiss and stand.

"Hoo Hoo! The priest is in love with the murderer? Now I know who my next play mate is! I'll hurt Cho Gonou, then you!" Chin Yisou's voice and laughter echoes above me. Anger boils in me at the thought of him hurting you.

"Dammit! I slam my fist in to the tree.

I'm sorry, Hakkai.

I'd promised to never tell. To never show I felt.

I failed.


End file.
